connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
