Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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