Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
