I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
