I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
