why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
