some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
