I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How naked do you want me to be?
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