did you get engaged???
this beer tastes like vomit already
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
