Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
