I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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