We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
