weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
