i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
