I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
