Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
