So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
