i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
