Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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