Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Randomize
