can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
