He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
