Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
