don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
