Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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