Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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