dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have aggressive nipples.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
