I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
