If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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