elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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