I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
