I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
