is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
