i wish there were pregnant emoticons
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
