Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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