There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
