I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
