I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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