That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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