U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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