i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
