Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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