i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
