Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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