oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
