well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
