I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
