Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
