Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
