why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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