ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
