You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
