i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
