I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
