last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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