i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
