god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
