I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
