i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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